I’ve been doing more of a personal leadership search lately. That part about grace that forces you to grow and be accountable. Various things I’ve seen recently around social media have caused me to revisit and research my thoughts on church and how my faith fit into the picture. And I’m talking my faith, as in my own personal view of being a follower of Christ, not the Christianity I was brought up to believe.
I will go Christianese for a moment and say that I do believe one of my, maybe my only, spiritual gift is faith. I’ve known that for a long time, like forever. Because it is in me and I know. It’s my gut instinct that tells my heart yes this is true and no this is off and needs some exploring.
A post caught my eye the other day as I did my every-so-hourly Facebook stalking that distorted my face into disgust. And a realization hit me. I think I do not find the position of the modern day pastor biblical. It struck me that I have never felt very spiritually connected to a single pastor….ever. After leaving home and being forced to follow my own true faith, I have been slowly uncovering that my God is shown to me through each person I encounter, the nature that surrounds me, it is a sum of all that is present in my life at any given moment.
Some time ago I wrote: What if I could live grace so fully that all that could be seen in me is love? When I reflect on that, like truly, deeply concentrate on it, I find that it is my personal statement of faith. Grace is God allowing the unperfect me to be holy. And love is the why.
Love is kind and patient,
never jealous, boastful,
proud, or rude.
Love isn’t selfish
or quick tempered.
It doesn’t keep a record
of wrongs that others do.
Love rejoices in the truth,
but not in evil.
Love is always supportive,
loyal, hopeful,
and trusting.
Love never fails!
That’s big stuff.
In researching some about the early church, I came to find that the bad taste in my mouth about pastors was not unfounded. The early church called for elders. Emphasis on the plural. Not just one person leading a group of followers, but a group discipling a group. A community talking, living, growing together. Those elders – or spiritual mentors – guided others toward spiritual maturity.
It is difficult to be selfish when you are part of a group, a team, a tribe as the hip kids are calling it these days. When everyone relies on the person next to them it becomes much less of a pulpit / pew line of fire and more of a gathering together at the table.
What I am learning in life is to recognize those moments where I am the elder and where others are the elder to me. I am learning to guide my life through my call to serve, to lead others, and to fully and richly experience my connected life with God. I am continuing to consciously choose love.
It’s small steps.
It’s sitting together at the table acknowledging everyone’s shitty day, finding the humor, and realizing that this is church.
Rewinding Grace 